Page 31 - Tracy Anderson Magazine | Spring 2021 Issue

Doing what is needed to come back from hurt, loss, re- how to become more psychologically flexible. There are
jection, or failure is hard because when we’re mentally several thousand scientific studies on ACT and psycholog-
wounded in some way, our minds call out for us to do ex- ical flexibility, and we now know these processes apply not
actly the wrong thing. But if we can see through the trick just to mental health problems but also to diet, exercise,
it’s playing on us, we can instead learn from our inner relationships, sports, high performance, and the behavioral
wounds and be stronger than ever as a result. challenges of disease. Psychological flexibility is arguably
the smallest set of teachable mental and behavioral skills
I once had a client who showed this to me in a profound that applies to more areas than any similar set known to
way. She was stuck in an endless battle with anxiety. She science. My recent book, A Liberated Mind (Avery), tells that
told me it was like being in a tug-of-war with an incredibly story and shows how broadly these skills apply.
strong monster who was pulling her ever closer to the edge
of a bottomless chasm. There was little room in the midst My client learned how to feel anxiety and loss without
of this struggle for love or laughter, for self-kindness or co- needless fighting and defense. She found what was useful
operation. Life was put on hold while she grappled with inside those experiences and then she carried those lessons
her mental monster. forward into making more vital life choices.

She pulled and pulled, trying to find the strength to avoid She learned from betrayal how much she valued hones-
oblivion; fighting to dial down her ty; she learned from social fears
fears; battling against her insecurities. how much she wanted to be with
She was exhausted, wounded, and people; she learned from the pain
stuck. And then, through our work to- of loss how much the present mo-
gether, she discovered what she need- ment mattered. Her “monster” be-
ed to do. She didn’t need to win this came her teacher and ally.
tug-of-war, she told me. She needed to
drop the rope. Let me give a small example so
you can see if this set of skills is
Psychological flexibility is having the something you want to learn. Take
mental strength and resilience to feel an area where you feel chronical-
what you feel and think what you ly mentally stuck; an area where
think with a sense of openness and you get entangled in self-judgment,
Opposite page: Blake Wheeler, courtesy unsplash.com. This page: courtesy Dr. Steven C. Hayes
curiosity, bringing your attention con- where you ruminate over the past,
sciously to the here and now, and then or you get into a “tug-of-war” with
deliberately creating habits that are your own feelings. Think of some
linked to your deepest chosen values. of the painful thoughts that show
up inside that experience. Now pic-
We all have elements of these skills ture yourself as a small child when
in our minds and heart, and just like you first had self-doubts; when you
physical strength and flexibility, we can build this mental learned to self-criticize; when you feared you weren’t good
strength and flexibility by deliberate practice. We all know enough. Remember your clothes, shoes, face, hair, and
to look at a beautiful sunset and just say “Wow” instead of mannerisms. Remember your voice. Then in imagination
“Gee, it should have had more pink.” We all know to listen have that child say in that voice the painful thoughts that
to a crying child and provide comfort rather than to say show up inside your current area of struggle. Listen with
“Gee, you’re bringing me down.” We have the capacity to compassion. If this was actually happening, what would
observe, describe, take in, and learn rather than to judge you give to help heal that child? Is this something, in some
and criticize. We can use that capacity to treat our own small way, you can give to yourself now? And if so, will
inner world with self-compassion. you?

That’s what my client meant by “dropping the rope.” But All of us will have mental wounds. We will heal more rap-
when our problem-solving mind takes over, our internal idly if we can learn to be more psychologically flexible. We
wisdom is overwhelmed. We pick up that rope and enter may not control how many moments we have in life, but
DROP THE ROPE yet again into a futile tug-of-war with our own inner expe- this is how we control how much life is in our moments. ■
riences. Our life’s moments become a private battle scene.
Steven C. Hayes, PhD, is the Foundation Professor of Psychology,
Life is put on hold.
University of Nevada, Reno, and the originator of Acceptance and
Commitment Therapy and has been a featured TEDx presenter. For
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT, is a set
Getting unstuck through psychological flexibility, by Dr. Steven C. Hayes. more information and to receive a free “mini” course on ACT, please
of training exercises for the mind and heart that teaches visit stevenchayes.com.

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