Page 60 - Tracy Anderson Magazine – Summer 2020

to discuss the various stages of “MOST
PASSING ON
The journey from grief to hope, by Dr. Karen Binder-Brynes.
We are living in unprecedented times. The entire world
went into total lockdown and pause over the past two
months. Life as we once knew it has changed forever.
We’re experiencing collective sorrow for what was after we experience loss. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, in her
familiar and normal in our daily lives. Whenever there’s
a major loss, there follows inevitable grief and mourning.
It’s important for us all to remember that grief is organic,
and there’s no book of rules as to how each individual
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will experience loss and grief. However, there are par-
ticular stages of grief that have been accepted and can
be used to provide guidance for what we might expect
groundbreaking book, “On Death and Dying” (published in
1969), provided a framework to help us navigate through
the stages of grief. I feel these stages reflect the process
of grief we’ve all encountered over these past several
months. Although I’m going
that they’re not always linear. IMPORTANTLY, WE
grief, it must be remembered
People might experience the MUST REMEMBER
different stages at any given time
THAT WE’RE ALL
or maybe not at all.
The first stage is shock and
denial. This is how we all felt EXPERIENCING
as we began to hear about
the COVID-19 virus and face GRIEF RIGHT NOW.
the fact that it was spreading
globally. We walked around WE ARE UNITED.”
in disbelief that a virus, which
came out of nowhere, was rapid- passed. People’s livelihoods have vanished, and they’re
ly spreading around the world. terrified about their financial futures. There’s worldwide
We were in shock. Most of us depression and worldwide sadness.
were waking up each morning
jarred by the reality of what was The next stage is acceptance. This is when the resistance
happening in our world. This to what has happened transforms to acceptance of the
stage can lead to denial, evi- new reality. We’re in that stage now. We’ve adapted to so-
denced when people seemed to cially isolating, we’ve figured out how to work remotely,
ignore the inevitable and carried and even how to socialize and learn through the Internet.
on as if nothing was amiss. We Although we’ve evolved toward acceptance, it’s only now
saw this clearly with the amount that people are beginning to look toward the future and
of time wasted by many cities start letting themselves think about what the new normal
and countries not social isolating or new abnormal will be.
quickly enough.
A final stage of grief introduced by one of Kübler-Ross’s
Once the shock and denial start protégés, David Kessler (Finding Meaning, 2019), is the
wearing off, the next stage is process of finding meaning in the trauma and loss. As a
usually some form of “bargain- civilization, it would be impossible in the present to find
ing.” These are the deals we try meaning in the pandemic’s wake. However, we can strive
to make with ourselves or with to find “meaningful” moments in each of our individual
our “higher powers” and spiri- experiences.
tual beliefs. An example might
be: “If I make it through this Most importantly, we must remember that we’re all
without getting sick, I promise experiencing grief right now. We are united. This is truly
I’ll be a better person.” Or, “If historic in terms of human history. There’s no shame
you just let me get sick and not in feeling our losses and dealing with the pain and fear
my children, I’ll never drink
again.” I believe that the bargaining stage is a way we we’re living through.
trick ourselves into believing that we have any control.
We all need to face the fact that we’ll be living in this new
As humans, we hate being out of control, which times of normal (or abnormal), which at the moment is not possi-
trauma inevitably expose us to.
ble to fully know. In order to cope with grief, we must let
it wash over us and trust our inner resiliencies. We must
The next stage of grief is usually marked by sadness
and depression. This happens as the shock, denial, and have hope. Hope is what will keep us going and keep us
bargaining start to fall away. It’s at this point that people moving in the direction of building new realities.
begin to realize the permanence of their loss. In the cur-
rent pandemic, we’re all dealing with the collective loss
of the world we knew. The life we’ve been accustomed Dr. Karen Binder-Brynes is a leading psychologist with a private
to is gone. Although we’re all in this together, everyone practice consisting of older adolescents and adults in New York City
has to deal with grief and sadness in their own way. Many for the past 28 years. There, she provides individual as well as marital,
family, and group therapy. To schedule an appointment with Dr.
have lost loved ones, whom they couldn’t be with as they Binder-Brynes, please visit drkarennyc.com.
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