Page 9 - Tracy Anderson Magazine - Fall 2021

Oximil hicerteatum
in temorta vium LES SONS LEARNED
in Ita timulis nium
con dem moverem
Romne curbissoltu
viris con tus A reflection on growing up, by Tracy Anderson.
consus; ex manum
abem potimod

Waking up hopeless on your 16th birthday with “teen” acne-free and extraordinarily good-looking, an athletic
feelings of inferiority is something many of us can relate to. standout, or the smartest kid in class—it’s easy to run out
Most of us didn’t wake up with a giant bow on a brand-new of gas in the self-esteem and energy-producing part of our
cool sports car with prom king or queen vibes in the near human nature.
future. However, most of us can remember expecting our
parents to love away those insecure feelings by celebrating The rational part of the brain isn’t fully developed until
our major birthday. around the age of 25. Teens process with the emotional part
of the brain. Adults think with the prefrontal cortex, making
When you realize you aren’t special enough to have your it even more important to study emotional intelligence as an
birthday remembered, let alone get the sweet 16 of your adult. We have a lot of adults making decisions for the world
dreams, you get a tough and young lesson in self-love and who didn’t come into the world with any proper education
cognitive defusion. Yet most of our parents had no idea on self-love, healthy love, or even a forgiving love, and
what it meant to teach this, especially by example. In fact, they have yet to seek out that education. When you cannot
many of our parents didn’t include being a parent as their parent yourself to a truly value-driven harmonious life, you
primary focus for their own life goals. Children were just cannot fully nurture another. Whenever our parents ignore
something that “happened” along the journey. I knew I our feelings by not acknowledging them or not dialing into
wanted to be a mother with full certainty, but where that us enough, we start to develop mental roadblocks that need
certainty came from in my early twenties before I even had unblocking later in life. It’s our responsibility to continue
an adult brain myself is a mystery. learning as adults because we’re in control of what we do
with our time and can choose to expand our personal
How I feel about parenting today is much more development.
multidimensional, and I believe that we’re all faced with
the opportunity to accept the importance of parenting In the iconic John Hughes film, Sixteen Candles, we get to
and what it means to the health of the world around us. witness this scenario in Samantha’s character after her
Parenting is far different from simply growing the human parents forget her 16th birthday and she just happens to
population. Many parents believe that providing food, feel like cellophane everywhere in her world until those
clothing, and shelter is enough. I have discussed this very two verifying words, “Yeah, you,” that Jake mouthed to
topic with my own therapist, Dr. Karen Binder-Brynes, her outside of the church after everyone rushed out and
and have concluded that real self-love and really bonded she was about to be forgotten yet again. The popular Jake,
parenting should never leave the child alone to rescue his with all his gorgeousness multiplied by his red Porsche and
or her authentic self from the adaptive childhood self. No popularity, saw something in Samantha she failed to see in
child should grapple with wondering whether they were the herself. So, what happens next? Samantha crushed on Jake
bad one to preserve the illusion they would be cared for. from afar and arguably wanted him, though she never felt
like he would notice her. What if she ended up not really
For example, if something bad happens at home, we might liking him? Would she even have the tools to see what it was
end up being the bad one as the child (even if we didn’t she liked or didn’t like? Or what if she did fall for him and
deserve it) to protect the threat of not being cared for. You he broke her heart? Was she really attracted to him for any
know the classic scene in which the parents aren’t treating reason other than she never thought he would want her?
each other with love, support, respect, talking through We see this scenario play out in yet another Hughes classic,
differences with care, nurturing their relationship with Some Kind of Wonderful, when Keith wins Amanda, the
pride, and being good role models, but instead are yelling undeniably gorgeous and popular girl of his dreams. Keith
and screaming, on each other’s nerves, serving each other was able to detect the weak points and he grew before us,
looks, creating tension, and making the child feel like their and we all got to see Watts get the very symbolic “earrings”
stability could be jeopardized. The child ends up taking the in the end.
blame and believes she may have provoked her parent’s
Bibi Top by ARE YOU AM I, stress overload, which couldn’t be further from the truth. If One of the things I love most about John Hughes’ body of
Skinny Britches cropped stretch these struggling home-life moments aren’t filled in by some work is what he did for the underdog in all of us as teens.
leggings in Beige by SPANX other superstar talent nurturing us as a teen—like being The limiting archetypes that separate us during our teen

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