Page 29 - TA Magazine Winter 2022

A MOMENT OF ZEN

desires. Those pangs of restlessness are actually pulling you again with that information in a more intelligent way. Regrets only too late if you think it is. After all, the only way to get the
back into alignment with who you really are. This is a time of mean we’ve lived and tried. So in reality, we could say there best fruit is to go out on a limb.
creating true contentment, not crisis. are no real mistakes, just more information. Thomas Edison
famously said that he didn’t build 1,000 failed inventions Lessons on Living from the Dying
Finding Your New Direction on his way to creating the light bulb, but that the process of Another great way to neutralize regret and help reset your
Once you understand that your midlife crisis is a good thing and creating the light bulb had 1,000 steps. Embracing the F-word, priorities in midlife is to look at the difference between the regrets
that it’s guiding you into a more fulfilling life, you can take the failure, helps us recognize our mistakes as gifts. of the living and the regrets of the dying. According to Psychology
necessary steps to begin finding that new path. After living a Today, when categorized, the majority of regrets healthy people
certain routine for 20 or 30 years, some people think they can’t Regret usually comes with a lot of grief attached, especially have are concerning education. These are followed by regrets
do anything different than what they’ve always done. A good where relationships are concerned. It’s important to work about careers, romantic relationships, and then parenting
way to begin finding a new passion is to ask people close to you through your grief, and a good therapist can be very helpful. In choices. For the dying, regrets are more fundamental and larger
what activities and situations they’ve seen you feel most alive. the end, it’s still all about learning, getting back in the driver’s in scope. They don’t involve single events or lost opportunities,
When they tell you, trust them and explore more of those things. seat of your life, and moving forward in a new direction. We but instead focus on the way life is lived.
do that by asking ourselves, “What have I learned from this
Lots of people work for companies that have mission experience, how am I a better or wiser person because of it, and Bronnie Ware is a palliative care nurse who treated hundreds
statements. Every decision by the company is made to support what will I do differently next time?” of dying patients and wrote a book about her experience,
that purpose. To move your life in a new direction, it can be The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed By The
helpful to make your own mission statement. A good mission Peace with the Past Dearly Departing. According to Ware, the most common
statement should include what values you want to operate by, Looking back on our lives, we can be pretty brutal on regrets expressed to her by dying patients were: I wish I’d
what it is that you’ve chosen to do, and why you’re doing it. ourselves with all the I-could-have’s and I-should-have’s. Part had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others
For example, maybe you’ve cracked people up in the office of dissolving the grief that comes with regret is letting go of expected of me. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. I wish I’d had
22 for years and now feel like you could start to incorporate the false idea that somehow we should have known better. the courage to express my feelings. I wish I’d stayed in touch 22
Y ANDERSON WINTER 20 Middle age is traditionally a time to reassess life, and everyone shame yourself because the person that made those choices is a Odds are you’re in much better health and look and feel better not to mention the opportunity to have a clear understanding Y ANDERSON WINTER 20
We convince ourselves that somehow we should have had
with my friends. I wish I’d let myself be happier.
your secret passion for standup comedy into your life. Your
new mission statement might sound something like this: With
a crystal ball, seen all the options with absolute clarity, and
individual regrets and focus more on the overall quality of our
an event from the distant past and judge your actions from
truth and inspire others to make a better world by changing
26 candor and honesty, I use humor and storytelling to reveal the made the perfect choice. It’s unfair, and even absurd, to take With this in mind, it might be a little easier to let go of 27
lives. When we do that, we find a lot more to be thankful for,
the knowledge you have now. It makes no sense to retro-
the way they think and live.
DR. HABIB SADEGHI
Reconciling Regret
of who we are and what we’re about.
completely different human being than the one you are today.
At least I hope you’re a different person than who you were at
The Point of Power
their 20s or 30s to be as world-wise and self-aware as someone
60, but health science and anti-aging lifestyle choices have
to three decades establishing our careers, starting families,
the emotions you feel to push you to create new things and
and working towards realizing all those dreams we laid out
well over 50. So don’t expect it of yourself either.
seriously changed the game in middle age, and that means
C wants their life to have meaning. We’ve spent the last two 25 or 35. I know I am. You would never expect someone in than they did back then. I’m not going to say 80 is the new Other ways to help you move through regret include using C
TRA for ourselves back in our 20s. Whether we’ve accomplished more opportunities stay open to us much longer. Obviously opportunities. There are countless success stories of people TRA
those things in whole, in part, or not at all usually determines Letting go of regret means making peace with the fact that the that doesn’t mean you can still try out for the U.S. Olympic who lost everything and used their anger and frustration to
how much meaning we give our lives. At the same time, past couldn’t have been any different based on the amount of team. Some trains have left the station and aren’t coming back rebuild a better life or bigger business empire. Think about
we’re getting a real sense of our mortality. We see ourselves knowledge and self-awareness you had at that point in time. again, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t other things that can how you could help others avoid the same pitfalls with the
physically aging. Time feels like it’s flying by, and suddenly we We’re all doing the best we can with the amount of information be fulfilling in similar ways. knowledge you have. Teaching others, especially young
realize how short life really is. Taking stock of the past is an we have available to us at any given moment. If you could have people, can provide a unique kind of closure that’s very
important step in reinventing ourselves, but it also exposes us done better, you would have. It’s that simple, so stop beating There’s an old English proverb that says, “A man is not old healing for the loss you may feel.
to the single biggest obstacle to making the second half of life yourself up. Whether big or small, everyone has regrets, and until his dreams become his regrets.” Aging is unavoidable,
a success—regret. the only way to use them to improve your life is to not hate 3. Shrira, Ilan . (September 18, 2010). The biggest regret of your life: avoiding irrevocable mistakes. Psychology Today. 4. Ware, Bronnie. (2012). The top five regrets of the dying: a life transformed by the dearly departing. London: Hay House. but it’s not the same as getting old. People get old when they Above all else, remember to act on what you’ve learned.
yourself for having them. give up and stop living because they give in to the lie that it’s The past is gone; it has no power over you and never did.
Midlife can sometimes feel like climbing the ladder to your https:/ /www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-narcissus-in-all-us/201009/the-biggest-regret-your-life. too late. The best way to escape getting old is to see all your The present moment is always your point of power because
dreams only to realize once you get to the top, you leaned it It’s Too Late mistakes as information to make another choice. That way, that’s the only place you get to make choices. Remember,
against the wrong building. Suddenly, the life you’re living may Besides guilt and grief, the other aspect of regret that makes you have no real regrets and can use what you learn to keep it’s much easier to reconcile the regret of things you did
look nothing like the life you planned. All sorts of regrets can it so painful in midlife is the idea that it’s too late. Too many dreaming new dreams and going after them. rather than things you didn’t do but wish you had. So
run through your mind: I wish I’d gone to college. Why didn’t years have passed or that there isn’t enough time to go after forgive yourself, make a bold choice, and move forward.
I start my own business when I had the chance? If only I’d what you really want or opportunities you missed. One of the So in reality, your life experience doesn’t emerge from your No regrets. TA
pursued my passion as my career. I wish I’d worked harder to biggest ways we convince ourselves it’s too late is by believing physical body or chronological age, it comes largely from your
save my marriage. I let the love of my life slip away. we’re too old to go after what we want. Yes, aging comes with state of mind and the choices you make from that perspective. For more health insights from Dr. Sadeghi or to read more
inevitable physiological changes, but we can do a lot to slow We fall prey to regret when we let the world define what inspiring articles from his health and wellness journal,
The purpose of life isn’t to have no regrets. We all have them, that process down in a very big way that keeps us healthier RICCARDO VECCHIO success means for us. The great thing about midlife is that we MegaZEN, please visit beingclarity.com. For daily messages of
and in some ways we should be thankful that we do. The for much longer than our parents were at the same age. Think finally get the courage to stop caring about what other people encouragement and humor, follow him on Instagram at
purpose of life is to learn, mostly from our mistakes, and start about your parents and grandparents at your current age. think, so take a risk to make a new dream and pursue it. It’s @drhabibsadeghi.